My Near Death and Other Horrifying Experiences

I've had a few opportunities recently, to share a couple experiences where I almost lost my life.  I thought I'd get them in writing type so that my grandchildren will be amazed at how my life was spared- since my children just laugh at me and don't find the miracle in this.   

A couple weeks ago, I was in my backyard, sitting on the little rock wall to my raised flower garden pulling weeds.  I glanced down just as a deadly gopher snake decided to play footsie with me!  I froze for about .2 seconds and then I freaked out.  You've seen those cat and cucumber videos?  I could have been in one of them.  Except I'm not a cat.  And that snake isn't a cucumber.  I moved.  Fast.  But I couldn't scream.  I was too freaked out for that.  Evidently I didn't need to scream to get Kevin's attention.  My incredible gymnastics moves did the trick and he came running.  He tried to catch the snake for me but it was too quick.  It kept poking it's little head out of the rocks, taunting us.  Then as my very brave husband's hand would  start closing in, the little devil incarnate would disappear back into the rocks.  Kevin was kind enough to switch me ends of the flower garden.  I broke out in the heeby-jeeby dance every few seconds.  I still do from time to time if I think about it to much.  I finished weeding the part of the garden with the hyacinths- which I'm allergic to.  Because anaphylactic shock is a much better option than that kind of adrenalin ovedose-which, by the way, can stop your heart!  Kevin kept assuring me that gopher snakes are not deadly.  I love that man and appreciate how he tried to protect me but how on earth did he miss that heart attacks take lives?!  

This experience reminds me of another snake run in I had when I was 16.  I was swinging with a 2 year old on my lap.  My bother caught a dead snake floating down the canal which went along the side of the yard we were in.  Of course, he didn't tell me that it was dead.  He ran up to us and chucked it at me!  It went right around my throat!  Of course, thinking it was alive, I chucked that poor little girl out of the swing and wrestled the dead snake off my throat before I was killed.  I felt really bad about throwing that little girl.  Fortunately, she was too surprised to cry.  Now I like to think  pretend that I was just trying to save her life as well.  

Speaking of this brother, whose name is Shane.  When I was 9 or 10 we visited California.  We were enjoying a beach one afternoon when my brother started chasing me around with a jellyfish.  He caught me and rubbed that jello-filled-plastic-glove all over my arms and legs.  I'm sure he loved my screams and cries.  Everybody sat there staring at me playing an amazing role of drama queen, not realizing I was actually being stung.  Some stranger who saw it all go down, ran over and grabbed me and threw me in the ocean and started scrubbing me down with sand.  I picture my parents standing there like, is that stranger trying to drown our daughter?  I'd like to think my dad would have saved me once he was over the shock.

On Survivor when someone gets stung by a jelly fish, they have other contestants pee on them.  I'll be forever grateful this man didn't use that method!

So there you are dear future grandchildren.  Your grandmother has been saved over and over from the hands (or slithery-nasty bodies) of natures freakiest predators.  Miracles do exist!